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Emotions often get a bad rap in business settings. They are irrational, contagious, easily manipulated, and at odds with sound thinking. At least, that’s one view. I say instead that emotions are an integral and powerful part of how we think. And behind each individual feeling, there is a specific and decodable thought. For example: Anger = I am not getting what I want.Fear = There is danger here.Hatred = I am in ideological disagreement with someone with whom I share a close relationship. (Thank you to Robert C. Solomon and his book The Passions for pointing out this one.)Admiration = This person has a…

I once heard Joan Halifax speak about the difference between what we desire and “what will serve.” Separating the two can be tricky. As a coach and strategist, I tend to start with wants. We can’t see the path forward, and the resources all around us, until we recognize what it is we’re trying to do. That said, there are times to put our wants aside. To recognize that each situation has its own unique logic. To rise to the occasion or surrender to it, even if the occasion is not to our liking. Wanting things is okay, as long as we can hold those…

Human thought and language are both inherently metaphoric. Which means we never see or describe reality just as it is. Hence a paradox. Our metaphors matter because they determine what we can see and the meanings we can then make. And at the same time, no word, perception, or thought is ever fully true. So we can’t take them at face value. The secret to being miserable and/or unsuccessful is to believe your own thinking. Although we can’t get by without words, thoughts, and perceptions, we can be mindful of our relationships to them. We can create traps where our ideas…

Sometimes our thoughts or emotions get overwhelming, repetitive. We get lost in their reality, and lose touch with the real world. At times like these, it’s helpful to remember that the part of the brain that controls conscious thought is small, and tires easily. The parts of the brain and central nervous system that handle emotions are larger. Larger still is your body. And larger than that is your environment… including your work station, diet, home, friends, digital networks, country, etc. Thought < Emotions < Body < Environment If you are stuck (thought) or stressed (emotions), notice that it’s sometimes easiest and…

I was working out at a small gym recently. The only other two people there were a trainer and his client. The latter was a man in his mid-forties, who complained over the course of many minutes, and many exercises, about a woman named Sarah. He complained about Sarah’s parenting style. Her relationships. Her career choices. Reaching an angry crescendo, he said to his trainer, “I hate it when people say ‘No judgments’—that’s what we do as human beings, we judge!” That’s true, we do. But we don’t need to attach to our judgments. A judgment is always our problem, our choice to suffer. To close our…

We all create perfect traps so we can grow. We marry the person who triggers our desire and anger, showing us exactly how we are incomplete. We throw ourselves into jobs to validate our cherished ideas… and learn along the way how we are wrong. We get bored with solitude and stability, and leave our nests to find something new. We destroy our external systems to master new ways of being, one baby step at a time. On the surface, we struggle with reality, but our secret objective and intention is to accept it. To see it and savor it.…